Hello there!

Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart.

If somebody told you it was a happy little tale… if somebody said I was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world… somebody lied. But let me assure you: this, like any other story worth telling, is all “About a Girl”. Yes, that Nirvana song—off their first record (Bleach), most people don’t own it. A cover of which surfaced recently on YouTube, by a band called Puddle of Mudd. Their singer seems to have had too much Imodium, which is also the old title for another Nirvana song, “Breed”. From that root word, we got breeders, either Kim Deal and her sister’s rock band (The Breeders) or the old slang used by LBTQ peeps when referring to heterosexuals.

And from there, you got “breeding like larva”, which is a line I stole from Pavement’s “Rattled by the Rush”. I remember there’s this one blog by a guy who tried to explain the song. He said that the “candelabra” in lyrics, “Getting off / the cande–labra / We call her Barbara / Breeding like larva” is actually a reference to Beauty and the Beast. In the said movie there is a character named Lumiere, who was said to be a very good-looking man and was turned into a candelabra by the Enchantress. So what does it mean? It means getting off to a female counterpart of Lumiere, whom The Narrator in the song refers to as Barbara. Or Barbie for short. There you have it. Mystery solved.

The Narrator told me that we should go back to writing about Kim because he already had an ending in mind before we got to the “breeding like larva” part. So, to Kim go back we must. Kim Pine plays drums for the Sex Bob-Omb, a fictitious band in that box office bomb but critically acclaimed Scott Pilgrim vs. the Worl…

(What? What do you mean not this Kim? Oh, you mean Kim Deal? OK, OK.)

Before she formed The Breeders, Kim Deal also played bass for the Pixies (y’know, the great great band whom Kurt Cobain ripped off for his “Smells Like Teen Spirit”). Not only that, she also sang that really cool “oohhhh-hoooo” backing vocals during the verse of “Where Is My Mind”, which was the closing song in my all-time favorite movie Fight Club.

Well, Marla, you met me at a very strange time in my life.